With only two weeks before the wedding and a week and a day before we depart, I figured now was a good time to fill you all in on the loose ends that have (for the most part) been tied up!

Reception responses have been filing in at a rate of about 2 or 3 per day and I get so excited every time someone else says “yes!”  I think to date, we’re up to about 70 confirmed guests!!  Yipee!!!  I feel so blessed that so many people want to spend a summer evening with us celebrating our marriage!!

Onto more pressing news, visas.  Yes, I found out last Thursday that despite the fact Americans don’t need a visa to visit the United Kingdom, I however do.  If you remember, I was denied a visa because I had insufficient evidence about my trip and my intentions to return to the United States (you know, aside from the fact that I know no one in the UK and that my entire family and life is here in the U.S. – but that’s neither here nor there…)  So I reapplied and Mom and I found out that if you pay the right people the right amount of money – you can get things done!!!  Well, things got done!  Our lovely friend John from Chicago has been working diligently with the British Consulate to get my visa issued pronto!  In fact, just last night I received an email that says my visa will be ready for pickup today!  Of course, I don’t want to jinx myself so I’m not holding my breath on when I’ll actually receive it!!

Everyone (that I’m aware of) has been paid and I really think this thing might actually happen!!  Everything is in order and we’re ready to go!!  My final payment to the wonderful Lorna (for flowers) was sent this morning and I think we’re good to go!!

I am so nervous but so ready at the same time.  No, I’m not nervous to marry Neil – I’m absolutely 100% ready to marry my best friend – I am however nervous about the whole ceremony and reception!  For the past year and a half, I’ve been planning things from pictures and explanations.  Aside from my own dress, I’ve not seen anything!  Heck – I haven’t even seen my Grande Dame of Honour’s dress!!!!  I have this vision in my head of exactly how it’s going to turn out – but what if it doesn’t turn out that way?  What if on June 9th, I find out that I am absolutely miserable at explaining things through an email?!  Sure, I drew a picture for Wendy and Lorna, but what if that wasn’t enough?  What if they don’t get my vision?  Sure, I know no matter what it will be the most perfect day in the world, but I can’t stop “what if-ing”.

What if my dress is wrinkled?

What if the kilts don’t fit the guys?

What if my flowers are nothing like I expected?

What if my sister hates all the gifts I have picked out for her?

What if my hair isn’t quite right?

What if it rains?

Can I forgive myself if the pictures don’t turn out just right?  Can I forgive myself if I don’t “lose those last 5 pounds”?  Can I forgive myself if I don’t kiss Neil just the right way when we’re announced husband and wife?!

Now these are pretty strong talking points – and sure, when it’s all said and done, Neil and I will just just as married.  But what if everything I have done for the past eighteen months doesn’t turn out just right?

Can I forgive myself?

These are the loose ends I can’t tie up.  These are the lose ends that will ultimately make (or Heaven-forbid, break) our wedding day.  These are the things that count.

I know sulking over them won’t make the situation any better, but talking about them and expressing my worries will maybe make my heart ache a little less.  I have prided myself on being such a worry-free bride – allowing my sister to pick whatever dress she wanted, whatever shoes.  Being calm and collected.  Being organized and ready.  Those are things that I truly think will make the wedding even better…

…but there are always the what-ifs.  I can plan all I want.  I can be more organized than any bride ever thought possible.  I can do all the research in the world and have every hair in place.  But ultimately, something will go wrong.  I may not notice it, and I may absolutely notice it.  But either way – it will happen and the day will have to go on.  How do you prepare for something that you know will happen?!

With just two weeks left before our wedding, a lot of the stuff I’ve been talking about has been going through my head…typically right as I lay down for bed, but nonetheless.  But here’s what I know for sure…

…when I wake up on June 11th, I will be waking up next to the man of my dreams – my best friend.  And even if the entire wedding becomes one big disaster – he will still be my husband and I will still be his wife.  We will have our trials and we will have our successes – and we will always have each other.

And that’s what makes planning this whole big shindig worth every crying pain.

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